Learn English With Jokes

Do you like laughing? Do you like to have fun while learning? If so, this article is perfect for you. Learn English with jokes right now!

Here, you’ll find a lot of jokes that are relatively easy to understand so you can not only learn English with jokes but also laughs a little bit and understand how jokes work in this language.

A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.” “Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey!”. The horse replies, “Sure.”
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”
A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!” “Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”
Can February march? No, but April may.
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon? It had great food, but no atmosphere.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay. He woke up.
Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
How do poets say hello? Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
How do trees get online? They just log on!
How do you count cows? With a cowculator.
How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream.
How do you measure a snake? In inches—they don’t have feet.
How do you throw a space party? You planet.
How does a rabbi make his coffee? Hebrews it.
How does Moses make tea? He brews.
How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh? Ten tickles.
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100? Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief. But when I got home, the signs were all there.
I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win. No pun in ten did.
I got a new job last week as the new top dog at Old MacDonald’s farm. I’m the new C-I-E-I-O.
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
I started a new job as a tailor last week. It’s been sew-sew.
I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked at me surprised.
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. But if anything, it made him more sluggish.
I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
I tried to win a suntanning competition. But all I got was bronze.
id you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? The doctors say it was due to too many strokes.
My teachers told me I’d never amount to much since I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”
Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. He kept leaving little messages around the house.
Rest in peace to boiling water. You will be mist.
Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay. You have my Word.
There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (…Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.)
Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw!
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, ‘What’s your favorite kind of music?’ The other replies, ‘I’m a big metal fan.’
Want to hear a construction joke? Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one.
Want to hear a joke about a roof? The first one’s on the house.
What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings? Any dog, because buildings can’t jump.
What did one elevator say to the other? I think I’m coming down with something.
What did one hat say to the other? You wait here. I’ll go on a head.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
What did one traffic light say to the other? Stop looking! I’m changing!
What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison.
What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny.
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead. I’ll hang around.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador.
What do you call a musician with problems? A trebled man.
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.
What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse.
What do you call a religious person who sleepwalks? A roamin’ Catholic.
What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? A chicken sees a salad.
What do you call a train carrying bubblegum? A chew-chew train.
What do you call malware on a Kindle? A bookworm.
What does a house wear? Address!
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What happened when a faucet, a tomato, and some lettuce ran a race together? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer? The space bar.
What kind of shoes does a spy wear? Sneakers.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.
What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Envelope.
What type of sandals do frogs wear? Open-toad!
What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke? When it becomes apparent.
Whenever you jump on a trampoline, did you know it changes the season? No matter what time of year, it always becomes spring time.
Where do fish sleep? In the riverbed.
Where do snowmen keep their savings? In the snowbank.
Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
Where does Batman go to the bathroom? The batroom.
Where does the sheep get his hair cut? The baa baa shop!
Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold? The corner—they’re usually 90 degrees.
Why are crabs so bad at sharing? Because they’re all shellfish.
Why are frogs always so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through.
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
Why aren’t koalas actual bears? They don’t meet the koalafications.
Why can’t male ants sink? They’re buoy-ant.
Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game? All of the fans left.
Why did the bullet end up losing his job? He got fired.
Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad away.
Why did the giraffe get such bad grades? He always had his head stuck in the clouds.
Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out!
Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor? It needed help figuring out its problems.
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? In case she needed to draw blood.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because he lost his filling.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition? Because it was cultured.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no body to go with.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
Why do teddy bears never want to eat anything? Because they’re always stuffed.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast.
Why doesn’t the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees!
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Why is England the wettest country? Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
Why should you never trust stairs? They’re always up to something.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.
Why were they called the “dark ages?” Because there were a lot of knights.
Why won’t skeletons fight each other? They just don’t have the guts.
Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.
You heard the rumor going around about butter? Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.

Did you have a good time?

If you read all of the jokes listed above and got this far, you now know that it’s totally possible to learn English with jokes. Don’t forget to share them with your English language learning friends!